How to Support a Loved One with Chronic Illness

The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time of coming together and spending time with loved ones. But for people with chronic illness, there are often barriers to that wanted uninterrupted family time in the form of pain, exhaustion, and limited energy. 

When you live with chronic illness, your body doesn't just pause the pain because it's Christmastime. We never get time off from our symptoms even though that very wish is at the top of our Christmas lists every year. Fatigue doesn't disappear because we have family gatherings to attend. In fact, our symptoms often get worse because there is more pressure to be "on" and to push through the pain and exhaustion. 

This is made even harder by the invisibility of our symptoms. From the outside, we may look fine, but that's an act we've learned to perfect over the years to power through. We may even make it through the entire event which is a win. But what the people around us don't see is the extra rest it took prior to the event and the recovery time afterword, the symptoms we're managing quietly and the mental energy it takes to keep the mask plastered on. 

Support during the holidays doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. In fact, the most meaningful support is often small, thoughtful, and rooted in understanding. If someone in your life lives with chronic illness, here are ways you can show up for them; not just during the holidays, but year-round.

Ways to Support Someone With Chronic Illness

• Believe them: If someone tells you they’re tired, in pain, or not feeling well, take them at their word. They are the expert on their body. They don’t need to justify it.

• Release expectations: Let go of how you think the holidays should look. Your loved one may not be able to attend every event, stay as long, or participate the way they used to and that’s okay.

• Ask what support looks like for them: Support isn't the same for everyone. A simple “How can I best support you right now?” can mean everything.

• Be flexible with plans: Symptoms can change quickly. Last-minute cancellations are not personal; they’re often necessary. Respond with kindness, not guilt.

• Offer specific help: Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try “Can I bring food?” or “Would it help if I picked that up for you?” These responses are still very kind, but specific offers are easier to accept.

• Don’t minimize their experience: Avoid phrases like “At least it’s not worse” or “Have you tried just resting?” Chronic illness isn’t solved by positivity or simple fixes.

• Understand that energy is limited: Many people with chronic illness operate on a finite energy system. If they choose to spend energy with you, that often means they’re sacrificing something else.

• Check in after events, not just before: Recovery can be harder than the event itself. A message like “Thinking of you today” after a gathering can be incredibly validating.

• Respect boundaries without pushing back: If someone says no, accept it. No explanations required.

• Keep showing up: Chronic illness doesn’t have an end date. Continued support, even when it’s not “new” anymore, matters deeply.

Wishing you all a happy and healthy holiday season and I'm looking forward to posting on here regularly in 2026! 

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