I’m Excited for Heart Surgery (Here’s Why)

My biggest goal going into 2026 is to have my third heart surgery for my arrhythmias, this time for atrial fibrillation, and finally say goodbye to my cardiovascular issues for good. Of course, that’s easier said than done. This surgery doesn’t come with a 100% success rate. But when I picture my ideal life this year, that’s what I see.

Being excited for surgery sounds weird, right? It’s not something anyone should want to experience. It’s similar to being excited about a new diagnosis. People with chronic illness and chronic pain understand this instinctively, but it can be hard for the outside world to wrap their heads around. I’m not excited about heart surgery itself. I’m excited about the life it could give me afterward.

A life with more energy and less pain.
A life where I can walk up the stairs without feeling like I’m going to die.
A life where I can cook and clean without feeling like I might faint.
A life where my bedroom doesn’t look like a pharmacy just so I can stay alive.
A life where I can do normal twenty-something things, have fun with my friends, and not constantly question how every single decision will affect my heart.

That’s what I’m excited about.

So when I went to see my cardiologist earlier this week, I walked in with that life in mind and I wasn’t willing to accept anything less. Technically, my medications are “working,” and I could probably go without surgery for a while longer. I put working in quotes because while they lower my heart rate and keep my arrhythmias at bay, they also leave me exhausted, lethargic, and feeling nothing like myself.

I don’t want to live in constant fear that missing a dose could send me into heart failure. I don’t want half my bag to be filled with medication when I travel, leaving no room to bring home gifts for the people I love. This is not the life a twenty-something should be living.

Unlike my endometriosis, which I will carry with me for the rest of my life, atrial fibrillation can be curable. When you already live with a lifelong disease that has no cure, you understand just how much of a privilege it is to have a condition that might be fixable.

At the same time, it’s hard to fully let myself feel excited. I thought my heart issues were going to be cured back in November 2024 after my first surgery. So yes, I’m really hoping third time’s the charm.

I’ve had a diagnosed chronic illness for ten years, and chronic pain for years before that. That’s half my life. I don’t remember what it’s like to live without illness constantly looming in the background. Because of that, it’s easy to feel jaded and discouraged when new medical issues show up. And don’t get me wrong, I do feel discouraged. I get angry at my body all the time. That’s normal, and that’s okay.

But I don’t like to stay in that headspace for too long, because it’s not helpful. My body isn’t trying to hurt me. It’s fighting against itself because it’s trying to protect me. Trying to be positive doesn’t magically erase my symptoms or make them any easier to live with, but it’s something I’ve learned helps me survive the mental battle that comes with chronic illness.

Having a medical condition that might actually be curable allows me to see a light at the end of the tunnel that I’ve never been able to see with endometriosis. And that feeling? That hope? It’s really nice. I’m going to hold onto it for as long as I can.

I’m sure there will be a million obstacles between now and my heart surgery at the end of March, because that’s just how our lovely medical system works. But I’m doing my best to stay positive and keep picturing that dream life waiting for me on the other side.

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Journaling & 2026 Health Goals

Journaling used to scare me. I never wanted to be left alone with my thoughts, because that’s when the pain would creep in and take over. I still don’t love being alone with my thoughts, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that journaling can be a healthy and productive way to get to know yourself and to start writing the future you want into existence.

Now that I’m entering my twenty-fifth year, and my brain is finally finishing up its development, I can actually picture a future for myself. That’s something I wasn’t able to do before. This shift, along with a new sense of optimism, has led me to create goals for myself for pretty much the first time ever.

Most of those goals are health-related, as I continue working to address my heart conditions, chest pain, and ultimately get my quality of life back. I’m sharing them here as a form of accountability, but also in the hope that they might offer some motivation to others in a similar place.

Living with chronic illness and pain for nearly half my life has taught me that my body has limits, and that things don’t always go the way I plan. That’s made goal-setting especially difficult for me. But this year, I want to use journaling as a way to manifest the future I want for myself, starting with setting attainable goals and giving myself grace as I work toward them.

You’ll notice there isn’t anything too extreme on this list, but these are all things I’ve wanted for myself for years. And for the first time, the puzzle pieces are finally coming together in a way that makes me believe they’re actually possible this year.

Without further ado, here are my 2026 health goals:

1. Have my night in the sleep lab, get my CPAP machine to treat my sleep apnea, and get my sleep issues figured out once and for all.
2. Have my third catheter ablation surgery for my atrial fibrillation heart arrhythmia, and take the time to fully heal from that surgery,
3. Once that is completed, I want to get off all the medications I'm on for my heart. They make me lethargic and have no energy, and that's a feeling I don't want to experience anymore.
4. Once my sleep is figured out and I'm recovered from my surgery, I want to get back to moving my body and working out to the best of my ability. Nothing too crazy, but certainly a step up from doing nothing. 
5. Meet with a clinical dietitian who specializes in an anti-inflammatory diet and start consistently cooking healthy meals for myself.
6. Be better about saying no when I don't want to do something.
7. Don't feel guilty for listening to my body.
8. Only put work into relationships that fulfill me. I only have so much energy to give.
9. Heel stretches daily for my plantar fasciitis.

Some non-health-related goals:

1. Finish grad school and get my master's degree! 
2. Read at least 70 books.
3. Start writing on my blog again regularly! 
4. Go to Ireland.
5. No buying clothes or shoes unless absolutely necessary. 
6. Pay off most of my student loans. 

I got a cute new journal to start the year and filled it with all my goals. Years ago, some friends and I attended a talk in college where the speaker, a successful businesswoman, talked about the power of writing things down if you want them to come true. That idea has stuck with me ever since.

I’ve seen it work for the smaller things in my life, but I’ve always wondered about the bigger ones. So this year, I’m really testing that theory. I’m writing down everything I want, without overthinking it. I even started a list of five-year goals that I plan to keep adding to as they grow and change.

Whether it all comes to fruition or not, I know I’m doing everything I can to make 2026 the year I get my quality of life back. And if you’re feeling stuck or hopeful or somewhere in between, I encourage you to join me in journaling and creating the best future we can for ourselves.

Me and my trusty journal!

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ORGANIZATIONAL TIPS!

 This doesn't have much to do with chronic illness, but I want to share my organizational tips with you today. However, these methods help me to have everything prepared in case I'm having a bad pain day or I'm just plain tired (which is a lot of the time). Let's get started:

1. GET A TO DO LIST: This will literally save your life. I don't know how I got anything done before I had one. 
2. SET OUT EVERYTHING THE NIGHT BEFORE: I try to get my outfits set out and my backpack packed up the night before in case I need to take it slow in the morning.
3. USE A PLANNER: This will be your best friend if you're busy like me. Especially if you're a student, it's the best have all your assignments and activities in one place. 
4. PLAN OUT TIME IN THE DAY TO DO SELF CARE: For me, this means setting aside time to do all the activities from my pelvic floor physical therapy because I know they always help me feel better. It can be different for every person though!
5. CREATE FOLDERS IN YOUR EMAIL: This is something I didn't think I needed to do for the longest time, but once I did, it made finding old emails soooo much easier.
6. CREATE FOLDERS IN YOUR FILES: Similarly, this is so helpful and I have folders for literally the smallest things. When you're constantly turning in assignments, it's so helpful. 
7. ORGANIZE YOUR DESK: Having an organized workplace really does make you more productive and efficient.
8. HAVE A CLEAN ROOM: I know this sounds weird, but especially if you're working in the same place as you sleep, I find it so important to my productivity to have a clean room and made bed. If I don't, it just stresses me out and I'm not as focused on my work. 

I hope you found these tips helpful because they are really have gotten me through college!

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Back to School!

Some of you may have noticed that I took a month off from posting and that’s because the beginning of school has been crazy. The day I moved into school, I barely had any time to unpack because I had to go right to rehearsal for the choir I’m in and that pretty much lasted the rest of the day and the rest of the weekend. Does anyone else get super stressed when all their stuff is in boxes or not in its correct place? Well, I do and that’s what I was feeling like for several days before I had the chance to finally finish unpacking and decorating. Then it was time for classes to start. The good news is that I love all my classes! All my classes are within my major and minor, so I’m never bored and always learning something new. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I LOVE learning, it’s probably one of my favorite things which is why I love college so much; I get to learn about topics I’m actually interested in, unlike most of my classes high school. 

I mentioned in my previous post that I took on a lot this semester and I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage everything. Well, it’s been going pretty well so far! It was kind of a pain getting my schedule all worked out so I could be at every club meeting or rehearsal, but thankfully, I did it and this week everything was finalized. Last weekend, I had the honor of singing the National Anthem at the home opener football game at my college and it went so well! I’ve been singing the National Anthem at events ever since middle school, but I’ve never sung it for my college before, so I was a little nervous. But the President of my college said it was amazing (go me!!). 

I was able to get a single room this semester because of my medical accommodations and needing the privacy to do my pelvic floor physical therapy tasks, and that has been working out very well. While I miss having a roommate, I know I made the best decision for my health and that my body is definitely going to thank me for that this semester. With that said, I haven’t had any big flare-ups yet which I’m very happy about. Stress is one of my biggest triggers, so when I feel like I’m about to get overly stressed, I try to take a minute and relax so I don’t cause any other issues for myself. 

I was finally getting into the swing of things this week, then I got a cold. I was actually pretty scared at first that it was COVID, but I was tested and it's not thankfully. It's so weird how "normal" sickness hasn't really been a thing since the pandemic started because of masks and physical distancing, but as the world opens back up, I guess so does our susceptibility to other illnesses. Like this cold, you are always going to have things that interrupt your plans, but try to find the good in everything. Luckily this cold hit me over the weekend, so I'm going to rest up so I won't have to miss any classes next week.

If you are going back to school right now, I know it can be a very stressful time. My biggest piece of advice is to learn your triggers so you can try to avoid setting them off. Obviously, it’s not going to be perfect, but at least you are trying to do what’s best for your body. Remember, you can do this and endo is not the end!  

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My Health Goals for 2021

 Happy New Year everyone!! 2020 was a hard year for everyone around the world but now is a chance to start fresh and create some goals for the coming year. The second half of 2020 for me was focusing a lot on my health. In the context of this post, health means my chronic illnesses, my pelvic floor dysfunction, and eating an anti-inflammatory diet. I plan on making 2021 a year about focusing on my health, listening to my body, and hopefully minimizing my pain. So, for my first blog post of the year, I wanted to share some health goals I have for myself!

1. Continue going to pelvic floor physical therapy regularly 
2. Do all the stretches, exercises, and techniques my PT gives me every day
3. Try harder to eat an anti-inflammatory diet (it was so hard around the holidays!)
4. Talk to my college's dietitian about foods I should eat while at school that won't work up my dairy, sugar, and gluten sensitivities 
5. Get out for walks more
6. Drink 64 oz or more of water every day
7. Continue taking the supplements that are helping my urinary tract health
8. Get plenty of sleep every night
9. Make sure I don't overly stress myself out since that works up my endo pain
10. Continue writing and posting a blog post every other week
11. Bonus: Try my best to achieve all these goals, but not be too hard on myself if I miss a day!

If you want to focus on improving your health like me this year, then I recommend making a list like this and sticking to it. I chose goals that I think are attainable for me because I have already been doing them, so make sure you are making goals that are attainable to you, and don't be too hard on yourself. I make a to-do list every day because it keeps me motivated to check things off my list and so I know I've completed everything I wanted to for the day, so I recommend that too. I hope you have had a great start to the new year and I'm wishing you all happiness, safety, and health in the year to come!